Hudson & Hayden
With my brothers - back in the day in good times
"Don't make your To-Do List more important than your To-Love List"
And now...staying close in hard times
My brother intended this remark for his son's high school classmates, but I needed to hear it just as much. In dealing with grief and sorrow, it was easy for me to feel bitter or jealous of people who don't seem to have a care in the world beyond what outfit to wear or who didn't get a rose (i.e. exactly the type of thing I normally post about here). I'm trying not to let those feelings take root in my heart and make me a bitter, angry person that life could be so unfair. I am trying to let myself be happy in the simple things I did before and to stay focused on what I do have to be grateful for rather than what we lost.
With my incredibly supportive sisters and sister-in-law (center, Hayden's mom)
This post is far more personal than anything I've ever shared or really intended to ever share. I may not leave it up permanently, but I wanted to share it now to help myself move forward and for my friends who have been so incredibly supportive and caring of me throughout this ordeal who have asked how I'm doing. Those friends have helped me laugh my way out of a very public ugly-cry meltdown in the airport, those who sent emails and text messages to check on me and left supportive blog and Instagram comments and who called me or let me call them at all hours of the night. And in the process of writing this post I even got a flower delivery (pic below) from two amazing friends who just can't help being so nice. Each little bit helped me get through and helped me feel like I could help support my brothers and their wives and other children in their loss.
I haven't quite figured out what changes I want to make to keep my priorities in order, and I'm honestly not worried about finalizing those details at this point. I just know that the blog world and the To-Do List are always there when I have time, but my To-Love List can't wait until tomorrow because it might not be there.